The “true story” of Joe A. D. Misfire

A best seller about a “member” that didn’t really read the gate instructions.

We will call him Joe A. D. Misfire in our description.  Keep in mind this is all recorded on the gate’s CPU (central processing unit) in the club house.

On Wednesday 10 June 2015 at 08:42, Joe A. D. Misfire pulls up to the entrance reader and smiles at the camera. He places his FOB right up against the reader. The gate begins to open and then he removes his FOB from the reader. The reader has read his FOB 3 times because Joe A. D. Misfire did not remove the FOB after the beep.

Joe A. D. Misfire did not wait for the gate to complete its opening cycle and stop in the up position. He drives through the entrance as soon as he thinks his vehicle can fit under the lower bar of the rising gate.

Joe A. D. Misfire proceeds and stops at the next appropriate reader and before the gate has completed its opening cycle.  He swipes his FOB in the usual manner. Of course, the gate continues to open and stops in the up position.

Now because Joe A. D. Misfire holds his FOB near the reader, waiting for the gate to go down before it has finished the opening/up cycle, Joe A. D. Misfire’s FOB has been read 5 times accumulating a safety delay of 75 seconds. The 75 second delay has to expire before he can swipe his FOB to close the gate.

But, because Joe A. D. Misfire is Joe A. D. Misfire and he wants the gate closed he continues to swipe his FOB every 5 to 12 seconds for the next 2 minutes and 11 seconds. He finally gives up and proceeds into the property to use the range, leaving the gate open.

After about 83 minutes, Joe A. D. Misfire proceeds to leave.  Keep in mind the gate is in the open/up position and Joe A. D. Misfire hasn’t attempted to contact anyone about the situation. Joe A. D. Misfire pulls up to the reader which would normally open the gate to let him out and for some unknown reason Joe A. D. Misfire presses his FOB against the reader, instead of just driving out to the second reader which would normally close the gate.

The gate begins to close and Joe A. D. Misfire realizes he is still inside the club. Joe A. D. Misfire sees that his window of opportunity to escape is shrinking, but he makes an attempt, stopping short of hitting the lower support bar of the gate as it is closing.  Joe A. D. Misfire backs up to the reader, barely missing the yellow safety posts.  Joe A. D. Misfire doesn’t realized the reader has read his FOB 3 times when he closed the gate on himself.

Joe A. D. Misfire immediately swipes his FOB in an attempt to open the gate, causing the reader to read his FOB 2 more times. Of course the gate doesn’t move because Joe A. D. Misfire has added at least 45 seconds of delays to the time out clock.

For the benefit of our new members, our club is equipped with video surveillance.

From one of the entrance cameras we see Joe A. D. Misfire get out of his vehicle and kick the yellow safety bars protecting the reader. He then attempts to side kick the reader through the yellow safety bars, but loses his balance, slips and lands on his butt. It takes him about a minute to regain composure and get up.

He then takes the FOB from his vehicle and swipes it again. Miraculously, the gate begins to open. Joe A. D. Misfire jumps into his vehicle and as soon as he can get under the gate, he heads for the next reader to close the gate. Again swiping his FOB before the gate has completed its opening cycle. When he sees the gate is not closing, Joe A. D. Misfire leaves before the gate is completely up, leaving the entrance completely open to anyone.

All of this could have been avoided, if Joe A. D. Misfire had honestly read the instructions.

The BOD has electronically suspended Joe A. D. Misfire’s FOB and his privileges pending a hearing pertaining to Joe A. D. Misfire’s irrational behavior.

As comical as this may seem to the rest of us, it’s not. To those who may think it is a big joke, please turn in your FOBs and your LTCs and anything else that distinguishes you as a thinking human being.

Remember we didn’t install the automatic gate for your convenience, we did it for security reasons. Treat the club like you would treat your home. It is not a shooting range, it is a club with ranges for your shooting enjoyment.

If you have a problem or something doesn’t seem right at the club, call someone. The list is in the club house. It’s your club, treat it like it’s yours.

For the hand full of members that want Joe A.D. Misfire’s “real name”, you can’t have it.  The BOD has a solution for his sorry butt and they will handle the matter.

P.S. If your reading this Joe, remember, we know who you are. You need to look up the definition of insanity because someone would like to stamp it on your sorry butt.